This Is Life

The next day, Kathrine thougth Edward was going to visit her again. But he didn't. so as the next day, and the next day, and the day after. Until it was two weeks since they last met. Kathrine was trying so hard to forget Edward but he keeps coming back in her head. But when Kathrine was about to go crazy. She met her old  highshool friend Drew. Drew moved far away seperating their friendship. But that lucky day reunited them both.  Drew met Kathrine when she was at her usual place where she calms her self down. thinking back her sadness. Drew looked for her at her house. but her mother said that she went out. The only person who knew Kathrine's hideout was Drew. Drew searched for her at the exact place and found her sitting there thinking of something so sad. Than he tried to approach her and gave her a surprise. Kathrine was frightened when someone called her name. And Kathrine was so surprised to see her long lost friend back. They chatted under the shady tree for hours laughing with much joy. At that moment Kathrine forgot of all her problems, she forgot about Edward. And they chatted so long that they didn't realize that it was already dusk. Drew walked her home. Happiness appeared on Kathrine's face even for a short time. When they reached Kathrine's house Drew said goodbye and hoping to see her tomorrow. Kathrine hoped the same. How much joy can a best friend give to a sad soul is just enough to heal a broken heart. Kathrine and Drew met again the next day. At the exact place. Than, they went for a walk and went to the shops near by. Kathrine's life was back shining. A smile was drawn on her face when she was with Drew. Unfortunately Drew only stayed there for 2 whole weeks. But he cherished ever second he was with Kathrine. When Drew first saw Kathrine's sad face. He knew he had to do something. He tried to cheer Kathrine every time they met. The next day they met again, so as the next day. They were hanging out for about a week. Kathrine just had a smile that whole week. having Drew around made her comfortable. She was back to the old Kathrine, the cheerful,  fun, polite Kathrine that everyone used to know. {to be continued}

This Is Life

Suddenly, while sadly thinking about Edward someone threw a pebble on her window. she looked down and saw Edward. Kathrine was frightened when she saw Edward. Edward was standing outside waiving and calling her to come down. She smiled and gave a sign for Edward to wait. Kathrine hurried down the stairs and went straight outside. Edward was still waiting. Kathrine than asked
" what are you doing here?"
"i was just passing by and i figured maybe i should drop by for a while" said Edward.
Kathrine knew that that was a lie. But she just let it go. 
" owh, that's wierd, suddenly stopping by my house without a reason"
" i wasn't satisfied with last night's conversation" explained Edward
Kathrine was puzzled " what do you mean?"
Edward said " you sounded wierd last night, so i'm kinda worried"
" i'm fine Ed, don't worry about me." explained Kathrine.
"well i'm your friend so me being worried is not a crime right?"
Kathrine laughed and said " yeah whatever"
" i'd better go now" said Edward
"yeah, i don't wanna make you late for something" said Kathrine
" okay then, bye see you later Kathy" Edward said and left.
Kathrine smiled and went back in the house. the next day {to be continued}

This Is Life

Kathrine was asleep. But in her sleep she had a nightmare. A bad dream about Edward. Dreaming that he left her alone suffering, crying, hurt and heartbroken. Kathrine had a dream that is based on what happened to her that day. Than, she was woken up by the bad dream. When she woke up her eyes were swollen. She stared at the ceiling than sat on her bed, thinking about Edward. How much she loved him, all the joy she gave and received, all the happiness even just for a short time. "Looks like Edward loved someone else more than me" said Kathrine. Than she thought about her fate. Tears streamed on her cheek. Feeling the pain in her chest. She saw the picture of Edward she took it and looked at the picture. Looking at Edward's face, Feeling so sad and disapointed. Than she kept the picture safely in a box and got up for a long cold shower.... When it was dinner time. Kathrine's swollen eyes were less. So her mother didn't asked about it. it was a quiet dinner. After dinner Kathrine washed the plates and went to her room. Kathrine sat on her bed thinking about Edward. Thinking that they would be happy together if he chose her. But it is all just a dream. A dream that will never come true. while sadly thinking about Edward.. suddenly, Kathrine's phone rang. She looked who was calling, she was shocked that Edward's name occurred on her cell phone. She was so nervous to answer the call, but she gathered her courage and answered it. Edward's voice spoke..
" Hi, Kathy"
"Hey Ed," replied Kathrine
" Are you okay?" Edward aske
" yeah, i'm fine.. whats wrong, are you okay?" Kathrine asked back.
Edward replied " owh okay, nothing just checking you out"
Kathrine said." i'm fine Eddy, Nothings wrong with me"
Edward than said " well i was kinda worried about earlier, i had a feeling that something was wrong"
Kathrine stuttered " i..i'm fine with it, me as your friend should be happy about you having a girlfriend"
tears gathered in her yes again.
" yeah, but i shouldn't have been to harsh to you earlier." mentioned Edward
" no. not at all. you told me slow and steady. and i understand your feelings" explained Kathrine.
tears went down like waterfalls when she explained. but she tried to control her sadness avoiding Edward to hear her crying.
Edward continued " well if you have anything, anything at all just tell me okay, who knows maybe i can help."
"sure" said Kathrine.
Than Edward yawned and said. "okay, i have to go to bed, i'm so tired today i don't know why."
"yeah, i should go to bed too"
they both ended their conversations with goodbye and goodnight and hung up.
Kathrine gripped her cell phone and said "i'll miss you Edward" and tears of sorrow went down like waterfalls again. She sat on her bed trying to calm down until she stopped crying. than, she went to the bathroom and washed her face. Kathrine stared at the mirror looking at her reflection. Thinking how stupid she is to fall in love with her own best friend. Kathrine knows that once a being a best friend stays as a best friend nothing more than that. Kathrine was thinking all night long and saw the clock strikes 3.45am. Kathrine can't sleep when she is heartbroken like that. Kathrine never loved someone so much that can make herself so crushed. At 4.37am Kathrine finally fell asleep.... In the morning Kathrine woke up late. Luckily it was the weekends... Kathrine woke up of bed bathed, got dressed but still feeling tired. She had her breakfast, did her chores and went back in her room. she sat on her study table right in front of her window. Kathrine was staring outside watching the bright sunlight shine the trees and grass. A beautiful view from her room. " would it be nice if my life was as shiny as the sun" thought Kathrine. the view of the peaceful green trees and grass made her soul soften a bit.  While staring out side the window, suddenly...... {to be continued}

This Is Life

Kathrine waited patiently. until, Edward said that he wanted to see her. Kathrine was feeling different, but she tried to stay positive thinking that maybe Edward is finally going to take her as his girlfriend. So, they met at a beautiful park with breezy wind and green trees and grasses. Kathrine wore her best clothes, she was looking absolutely gorgeous. When Kathrine arrived at the park she saw Edward waiting for her under a big shady tree sitting on his cool bike. Kathrine smiled when she saw Edward, and approached him. Edward saw Kathrine's smile and was stunned to see her so beautiful than ever. Than Kathrine spoke 
"Hi, did i made you waiting too long?"
 Edward said "No, not at all". 
They stared each other for a while, with Kathrine smiling and Edward's eyed were glued to her. Than Kathrine asked
 "what was it that you wanted to tell me?"
Edward and Kathrine sat on a bench under the big tree and Edward said.
"Kathrine before i say this, i want you to know that i always loved you."
Kathrine nodded with a smile on her face. 
Edward continued " i know that we've been so close lately, and i was always happy when you are beside me. But i found someone else, and we've been closer than friends."
Kathrine sensed that something was wrong. Her smile faded.
" And i fell truly in love with her, i had to choose either you or her, and.... i chose her" said Edward.
Tears began to gather in her eyes. but she tried to hide the tears. Acted like she was happy for him. And said..
"owh,.... congratulations!.. i'm sure you'll be happy with her.. i'm so happy for you"
Than she put a fake smile to make Edward not thinking that she is heartbroken. Edward replied..
"So you're not mad at me?"
"why should i be mad at you?.. instead i'm so happy that you found someone you love" replied Kathrine
Edward smiled and said "Thank you.. you really understand my feelings"
Kathrine smiled but didn't said a thing. Kathrine said to Edward that she has to go home with a reason that her mother asked her to go home early. Edward offered her a ride home but she insisted to walk home. So she left with a crushed heart leaving Edward alone at the park. On the way home the words that Edward said keeps repeating in her head. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Kathrine went to a place where she always calms her self down. a place not far from her house where no one else knows, there was just a tree, just one tree where she always sat when she had a problem. Kathrine sat under that particular tree hugging her knees crying herself out. with sadness and anger Kathrine said "why is life so cruel? why do i always get hurt? why? why?" She cried like she never cried before. Crying and crying as she felt so crushed inside. The pain more painful than being stabbed multiple times. Nothing can cure the pain of a crushed heart. She tried to calm herself down until she stopped crying. After being to tired crying like hell. She got up and went home. Mother wasn't at home. No need to avoid her mother asking why are her eyes swollen. Kathrine went straight to her room. She lie down on her bed looking at the ceiling not knowing that she fast a sleep....  {to be continued}

This Is Life

This is life, the true story about life, the complications that a girl has to face, all the pain that she has to feel, all the anger grown in her, sadness to cry. Everything is just too cruel. Life is too cruel. The poor girl is Kathrine a fifteen years old teenage girl who thinks that she lived in the dark, never found real happiness as long as she lived. Never knowing that happiness is just around the corner. All she ever known was suffering, disapointment, lies, pain, and loneliness. Kathrine had family problems that was so complicated. But it wasn't that complicated before her father passed away. Since that she learnt that she has to be independent doing things herself without depending on anyone else. Her family was as any other family just peaceful, happy but the problem just became a burden to Kathrine and her mother. No one can know about their problem. Kathrine was so frustrated. She almost gave up hope to live. But something just wanted her to live. Even Kathrine her self didn't know what it was. Other than family problems, Just as any teenage girls, Kathrine experienced the meaning of love. But as long as she lived her life was thrown with lies. Each person that she loved, was forced to let go. When it comes to the matter of feelings Kathrine takes it very seriously. To her the matter of love isn't something to play about. So she gave all her heart to love a person. But Each person she cared about played her heart all over and over again. But Kathrine had a dream, a dream to have true happiness dosen't matter any kind of way and she wanted someone to care for her to love her. But luck wasn't on her side yet. She always said to her self to wait for the right time for the right person.  Watching her friends have someone that cared for them made her envy her friends. But Kathrine was thrilled watching her friends happy and found someone to care and be cared. But it was non of her business. As always Kathrine was thinking about her family problem, But there is this one boy Edward. He was never Kathrine's boyfriend but they were once friends and they fell for each other. Edward confesses that he had feelings for Kathrine. They started going out, happiness just came to Kathrine,  for once she felt like someone truly cares for her. They had a lot of sweet memories. And Kathrine fell in love with Edward. But they were never together. Kathrine waited for Edward to take her to be his girlfriend. Kathrine waited patiently, until ........ {continued}

something to cure the boredness

sorry about the post before.. i was totally pissed off.. just letting all the steam out.. okay back to what i'm supposed to say.. i thought of something to let go of my boredness i decided to make a story.. well right now my imagination is working haha.. so just to have fun i wanted to write something maybe like a teenage stuff.. a friend of mine made a story too.. reading all her writing made me wanting to write  a story too.. well sometimes we need to make our imagination work.. so here goes.. wish me luck and hope you like it..
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                       xoxo lilyana

finally naik gila..

Hari ni just nak bagi stress laga sikit.. dah x dak mood nak berspeaking hari ni.. so ckap bhsa mlayu sudah.. aq x tau la apa nk rsa.. aq rsa sedih + sakit hati + brat hati + nak mati.. ish mmg mcm2 lah.. nak explain pon 10 taun x habeh.. hadoi pening la pikir pasal laki ni kdang2..  aq dah bg kasih syg yg sgt tulus dkt hg.. tapy hg pilih org lain.. tau x pedih sgt2 bila hg habaq hg pilih dia.. tapy aq x marah.. aq simpan sorang2.. sbb aq x sanggup marah hg.. tapy hg ada ambik kisah? x kan? hg ego, igt aq ok jaa.. mmg la aq kta aq x kesah tapy hello try klu aq lari pi kt laki len hg x saket hati ka?.. hish.. tula ampa laki x pnah pikir pasal prasaan org lain.. pikir ampa jaa btoi.. aq pelik la kan.. bila aq dah ada org aq habaq kt hg plan2 hg mengamok.. apa nii x nmpak ka aq sedih lpskn hg pi bagi kt dia.. weyh tara aq sakit hati pon x dak la aq pi mengamok kt hg kan? ish sedaq la sikit.. sakit kot nak lepaskn hg bila hg dah bagi aq jatoh hati kt hg.. padahai hg x syg pon kt aq kan? mcm la aq x tau bnyak pompuan yg hg panggil syg.. kta i love you.. bodo la aq ni kan.. pi pcaya mati2an kt hg.. hish aq x tau la nk kta pa.. slama ni hg igt aq mainkn hg ka? nih sapa yg mainkn spa lani?? ampa kira nak syok ja kan? x pikiaq perasaan org lain.. ish aq geram pon geram jugak.. just for you to know la kan.. aq ni skarang berubah sgt2 disebabkan hg.. sorry to say la kan aq mmg brtrima kasih sgt2 la kan sbb patahkn hati aq smpai hancoq leboq..  ouh and just for you to know taun dpn klu prangai aq trok maybe because of you.. ^_^

i can't get you off my mind

After everything that we've been through together.. all the memories you gave me are stuck in my head, my heart. It sucks thinking that we can't be together... thinking that you belong to someone else.. thinking that why did i loved you from the first place.. thinking why did we even met.. I know that there's nothing between us.. but everything that i do, everywhere i go reminds me of you.. i truly love you but i guess you don't love me at all.. i wish i could stop the tears coming from my eyes.. my heart hurts thinking of you.. i tried everything to stop thinking about you... but the more i try to forget you.. the worse the memories haunt me.. i hope i don't give up life so soon.. this is depressing.. i hate what is happening to me right now... how can i stop this misery... i want this to end so badly.. i can't stand all this pain.. end this suffering now !..

everything's not okay

Lately i'm not really being my self... i can't control myself.. sometimes i get angry,, crying,,thinking a lot.. even my mom asked am i alright.. i don't even know am i alright or not... i think i changed during this school holiday.. i rarely eat.. i sleep late.. sometimes emotional.. talking to myself.. what wrong with me??... have i gone crazy?? is this a disease?? i don't know why am i like this.. maybe i need help.. maybe i need some peaceful time alone... because i can't control myself..i'm scared that i might do something stupid.. something that can risk my life.. what should i do.. i don't want this.. i want to be  me.. please i need help.. i don't know what i should do..


someone please i really need help.. i don't want to live alone in the dark..

what's next

 Gosh so much to think...  my head is all  messed up.. mixed up feelings in my heart.. the only place that i can release my tension (well part of it) is here.. in my not so cool blog.. this is the only way that i think i can feel a little calmness.. i haven't eaten much these past weeks i dunno why.. maybe i don't feel like eating when my head is all messed up.. well all i need is time alone.. thinking about what happens next.. what is my next move.. what are the choices i will have to make..  what are the consequences.. everything is just so confusing... sometimes i feel like i hate my life so much...  maybe i just need someone to care for.. its lonely you know living alone.. but the people i used to care so much for someone.. but i just didn't received it back fairly... well let it just be a life lesson for me... from all the thing i've been through i learned to face it all calmly,, and face it with a smile.. what happens next just go with the flow.. nothing to be afraid of.. and hoping nothing to regret..


                                                                                                         xoxo lilyana

how to love

i feel like my life really sucks right now.. everything was thrown in my head thinking why is my life like this,, why do i deserve this kind of punishment,,why did you do this to me,,why must all my choices be wrong.. everything is just confusing..i feel like giving up.. but a friend just boosted my spirit to keep going.. thanks Adrina.. you helped me a lot.. how an i ever repay you? is life this complicated.. i thought i did the right thing.. but it turned up being up side down.. i was blamed? why?.. yes maybe you are mad at me.. but at least give me a chance to explain.. why can't people understand some people care for you and willing to let go of you for someone even better.. can't you see? i care too much for you.. i will never want to see you hurt.. if you are happy i'll be happy too.. i'll be happy to see you with someone you love.. and thinking that if you have been with me.. i don't think that i can give you happiness.. nobody's perfect but to me your too perfect.. and i will never,, ever hate you.. i'll always keep all the memories we been through together.. you'll always be in my mind.. 

Although my heart is wilted,, but the memories are still fresh

                                                                                                  xoxo lilyana

loike this song !!! ^_^

the pain

everyone suffers pain. dosen't matter either Physically or mentally.. but the most painful suffering is the heart.. when a heart is broken nothing can heal it..only if you know a way to calm your self take control of the pain and find a way to get over the problem.. But sometimes making the right choices is very important.. never add more problems to your previous problems.. try avoiding them instead.. forgetting something that you care so much is like remembering someone you don't know... hoping that all this problems settle fast.... but after one problem setteled another big problem comes -_-...

Secrets

Secrets are very dangerous.. keeping them inquires full responsibility.. never tell someone you don't trust entirely.. keeping someone's secret is a big responsible if you don't you are not a true friend... i hate keeping secrets especially to my friends and family.. but there are some thing that i can only keep it to myself.. not allowing to tell anyone.. most secrets are dark.. secrets about the past,,people,,problems,,relationships etc.. its hard keeping secrets especially when people are asking things that are connected to the secrets that you are keeping..  i have lots of secrets to keep and i don't know when it will last.. people can sometimes entangle the secrets we keep without us knowing it.. i hate secrets i hate it so much that i hope i don't have to keep them.. its incredibly torturing.. its like torturing your self and let the pain eats you up.. wish i don't have any secrets to keep from you guys but i have to.. 

                                                                                                              xoxo lilyana

The First Reunion

Yesterday 5.12.2011 was the most awesome day ever.. having the first reunion with some old  friends.. it was nice meeting everyone in a very different personalities.. although there were only a few people but it was fun.. but there was one  small problem there were 12 girls and only 1 boy.. well the others didn't fulfill their promises and abandon that one person.. he was the only boy that came for the reunion.. and the bad news is that it was his birthday.. so try to imagine yourself being alone on your own birthday... well everything tuned out to be a blast.. the plan was go eat at KFC.. than take a walk to go play bowling at Park Avenue.. than go shopping at Parkson.. and also snapping some cool pics... 

snapping pics before eating.. :P

Alya the genius

posing absolutely silly

posing.. Aina,Alya,Syaza,Shuwaibah

my friends.. Damia N Syahirah

posing with stuffed toys..

Aina N Syafiah.. friends forever

Syaza N Me <3

everyone grab a bear N pose ! :D

Shafiah with panda :P

Shuwaibah so cute <3

Aina aith panda :P

A collection of teddy bears

Masha's collection of stuffed toys..

Shafiah meow2..

                                                                SM Agama Baling.. 


                                                   that's all for today    xoxo lilyana

we're related somehow

This post is dedicated to the most important person in my life.. she is my one and only caring,, understanding,, somehow related sister.. she is Farah Qistina A.K.A Kate Middleton...the reason she is the most important person in my life is because.. when we have problems we share the problems.. but mostly all the problems that we share are quite the same.. its unbelievable to have the same thoughts,, feelings,, and sometimes problems.. its just incredible.. if i can.. i really don't wanna lose her.. i love her so much.. she is the most awesome friend i ever had in my whole life.. my mission to search a best friend is over.. she is the one.. hoping we'll never,ever,ever split up.. i can't describe how much i appreciate having her in my life.. every time i have a problem she calms me down with all her jokes.. she has a very beautiful voice.. dreaming someday we could do a duet together.. i adore her hairstyle.. just chic,, sophisticated,, yet very stylish.. we're sisters for life.. to Farah i'll never leave you.. were BFF (best friends FOREVER)..

Look at her isn't she gorgeous.. i'm proud to have her as my best friend..

 

                                                                                                 xoxo lilyana ^_^

So Annoying !!

Today is so annoying.. Well the morning was perfect.. Than came the Annoying person ... ruined the perfect mood of the day.. why can't you just leave me alone.. gosh don't make me hate you.. can't i just live my life.. why on earth must you control my life.. if you think i'm not perfect than go find someone you think is perfect to you and other people's eyes.. i have someone who appreciates me better than you ! If you like someone you won't do this.. EVER ! This is so frustrating.. can't you just mind your freakin business !  

Listen to the cat !                                                                                       xoxo lilyana

I HATE HOLIDAYS !

 I hate school holidays,, why must school holidays be so long.. why not just for 2 weeks or something... a 1 and half months is too long... I can't meet my friends.. I can't hangout with them.. laugh with absolutely funny jokes by my bestie Ashikin.. I love her jokes.. i miss Syazana's cute face.. I miss Ain's politeness.. I miss Adrina's interesting stories.. I miss Syazwani's speech..i miss Farah's annoying jokes that make me laugh awfully loud ...i miss Pn. Lim teaching.. i miss everything about school.. well i'm gone next year so of course i'll miss everything and everyone.. so sad that i have to move.. i can't do anything to change the fact that i'm moving.. so farewell friends.. i'll see you again next time..

xoxo lilyana