publicity

so yeah, like the title above said.. i'm gonna write about publicity.. i've been surfing alot on facebook.. and i see alot of guys and gals.. posting lots of freakin crazy status.. and lots of pics.. the i noticed alot of girls post their pics and wrote " hey, i'm not cute as u guys, i'm just an ugly person" -_- i mean really?? do you really WANT to be judged??? are u freakin serious?? most of them only want cheap compliments.. girls think that people would like them if they post things like that.. well, actually u just increased the number of haters.. its really annoying to see that these kind of people are desperate for attention.. i'm sorry if this is harsh.. but for those who don't realise the concequence for what you do.. here it is.. 
1) posting things like that, people will call you an "an attention w***e" if you like being one then   please continue posting those crappy status.. 
2) only fake people comment/compliment u.. which makes u a fake person too..
3) increasing number of haters.. therefore, u'll get constant hate every single day.. 
4)people will pity u.. and eventually laugh at u.. LOL

so yeah, that is what i can think of right now.. SO, if you want to be titles as a desperate/sympathetic/fake person.. do continue what u are doing.. so readers out there.. i didn't post this to offend anyone.. this is some advice to not humilliate urself in generally.. so yeah, improve urself to be a better person.. don't stop trying to be successful.. and please think outside the box..

hypocrite???

I feel like i'm a hypocrite.. changing attitude... changing friends.. i become sometimes self centered.. eventhough my friends say i'm caring and blah.. blah..blahh.. but i don't think so..  cause sometimes i say mean things.. sometimes i do stuff that hurt my friends... and sometimes i don't apologize when i did wrong.. yes its true nobody's perfect but.. i don't think i'm doing my best for my friends and family.. so maybe i need to search my self.. my real personality.. so that i can be really satisfied with my self.. so to all my friends out there... i want to apologize first because maybe i won't be being my self in the time being.. i need time.. so if i'm keeping my distance from you guys.. i hope you guys understand..

If this was a small world

People say that this is a small world.. but for me.. i don't think so.. people say that because they sometimes met the people they knew a long time ago.. i have been waiting for that moment for ages..  every day i hope to see my first love again even if it was just for a minute.. it has been 5 years since i've seen him. and i miss him like hell.. if only he misses me too.. but that won't happen even in a million years. why? cause he moved on. guess what he already has a gorgeous girlfriend.. and i'm left behind... i'm not just saying that. i have proof.. in his birthday 28 of march i gathered my guts to wish him happy birthday on facebook.. the next day i checked and.... he deleted my birthday wish.. well that't so obvious that he hated me with his guts.. since that i didn't post anything to him anymore.. and i lost contact with him... but still until now i'm really hoping that one day.. that maybe... just maybe he wanted to have a fresh start and be friends again.. but until now still NOTHING.. and i realised that out of all my crush and ex boyfriends i never loved any guy more than him.. i realised that i will never forget him... because he is my first love.. and a quote once said... trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you don't know... so that is what i feel/think now.. i'm trapped with this sick feeling.. haunted with our past memories..  and can't get them out.. only solution is...... brainwash....        

Choices

Life has been made for us like a path.. all you need to do is choose.. choose a path for your own future..  you can choose either the straight path or the curvy path...your choice.. everyone wants to make the right choices for their own good.. but how are you supposed to know that the decision you made is the right choice?? well its easy actually.. you just need to consider the bad and the good.. the consequences.. the benefits... everything needs to be considered in order to make the right choice.. but in making choices some people don't think about those possibilities... instead they choose to follow their heart.. their instinct.. they choose based on what they want.. but not based on what is good for them.. therefore choose what is best for you.. don't make decisions in a stressful state.. that will just cause more damage.. calm your mind and start thinking.. that's the best way to have a better life... and remember that the choices we make today will create something new tomorrow.. 

                                                                                               

            

the dreadful past..

As usual.. this latest update is about me expressing anything that is in mind.. well this time is about my hectic past.. the haunting memories that i can't get rid of.. since the year stepped into a brand new year (that is 2012). My life is completely flipped up side down.. literally.. well in relationships have their up's and down's and i did live after those relationships and all of them ended up breaking my pathetic heart.. but yea.. Sometimes i think that i really deserve that.. but sometimes i thought what that i do to deserve this.. for the past few days the memories of my last relationship.. still haunts me.. all the words he said..the sweet ones of course.. his velvet voice.. his beautiful laugh.. i miss it.. it hasn't been like this before.. with him its different.. really different.. i care for him a lot.. even if my friends say that i STILL love him.. i'm not really sure myself.. but when i think of it again.. i'm actually being used to this freaking heartbreaking moment.. but no one will ever understand all the heartbreaking moments that i've been through.. all the hope i've given.. all the love that i've shared.. all the sacrifice that i did.. at last stabbed in the heart is what i received as a reward.. it is true that "sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead" but why can't i have just one perfect person to love me and care for me as i loved and cared for them.. just one.. no one can understand what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you really depend on.. not once but multiple times.. it's not easy to recover to stand up again.. and act like nothing has happened.. people say forget the past and look ahead for the future to come.. do you think it's that easy? do you think a shattered heart can reassemble? do you think a broken heart can be patched that easily? do you think a crying soul can cope that fast? all there is left is regret.. yes i regret having a relationship at this age.. and this last relationship had forced me to break the heart of the person that i care.. i have been through so much pain.. not just emotionally but physically.. but this last relationship is the last time that i hurt my self hopefully.. love to me is torture.. pain is my friend.. trust is my enemy.. betrail is my routine.. and sadness is my happiness.. death is my happy ending.. </3

imaginations?

Today.. i've been imagining too much.. i've been imagining about how is He over there.. i'v been imagining about school that is opening soon.. and mostly and suddenly.. i've been imagining my worst nightmare knowing my darkest secret ever.. and threatening me to do anything that he demand.. other than that.. i was also imagining the person who i was stupid enough to trust  one person that ALREADY knows my secret.. and threatening me as well.. or even worse telling my worse nightmare about it.. gosh i don't know if i was PMS-ing or what..but i was scared of that thought.. i hope that imagination or deja vu or karma or whatever comes true.. cause if it does.. god who knows what will happen to my freaking life.. everytime the thought crossed my mind i shivered.. scared of my own imagination.. hmph pathetic.. gosh i really.. really hope it dosen't come true.. i can't imagine myself trapped.. and my secret lies in his hands.. i don't want to think about it.. but i can;t keep it out of my mind.. and that jerk fantasia.. just keep bothering me.. i can't avoid him forever.. i just hope someone will just please save me or protect me or do something with that jerk.. 

Guilt T_T

After the cruel break up (what i think).. guilt just haunts me where ever i go.. i can't get him out of my freaking head.. gosh.. i didn't know if he forgave me or not..  i broke up by sending a text message.. cause i was such a coward to tell him myself.. but after the text message was sent.. i waited and waited for days for him to reply.. but a week and half later.. he responded.. he wrote what appeared like a poem.. by the time i red it.. it was a relief plus a heart stabbing moment.. a relief that he understood me.. it was heart stabbing because he was hurt because of me.. by the meaning of the poem he wrote.. it appears like he was really hurt.. i didn't like the mistake that i've done this time..  we did chat on facebook.. but not like the usual.. it was awkward.. but he did said that i was forgiven.. but eventhough he said that.. i'm still not convinced.. i was guilty.. i blame my self for what has happened.. even my friend told me that i's not my fault.. but still.. i  fell like it is my fault.. i can't just blame him.. i know he did hurt my feelings.. he did cheated on me.. he did ignored me.. but still it was my fault.. i can't bare to see someone hurt because of me.. i don't care if i got hurt.. but i can't.. i just can't see anyone hurt because of me.. but i thank all my buddies that support me all the way to always be strong.. thank you guys.. especially http://juziana.blogspot.com/ (Adrina) she's awesome.. luv ya my lovely sistah!  gosh.. sometimes i wonder why did feelings exist.. if feelings exist just to end up in missery i think i'll take the chance living without any feelings.. but sometimes watching my buddies happy with their companion makes me happy.. they look cute together.. but me.. i think i'll just live solo.. ^_^ well that's all.. chiao miha..

what happened to us?

We used to be friends.. best friends.. you moved and left me alone in this cruel world.. even worse you left without saying goodbye.. i thought you had something towards me.. but i was wrong.. months felt like years without you.. i didn't forget you.. but i suppose you already forgotten about me.. months past you finally decided to contact me back.. but it wasn't like how we used to be.. awkwardness existed between us.. i hated it.. i consider you moved on.. so did i.. once i got a hold of myself you came back.. why? after all this time.. you denied our friendship.. you ignored me one you found new friends.. you forgotten about our memories together.. you were the one who protected me.. you were the one who always cheered me up.. what happened to all of that? you've changed.. a lot.. you're not like the person i used to know.. you said you had feelings towards me before you moved.. and yes i admit it.. i did have a drop of feelings towards you.. i didn't show because i like the way we were friends. now everything has changed.. yes we are together.. but from my point of view.. it dosen't seem like we are together.. yes its a long distance relationship.. but this relationship was supposed to make us closer.. but you always keep your distance.. always having boundaries. always avoiding me.. now ignoring me.. i feel like i'm nothing to you.. i feel like we never even met.. do you even care for me? do i ever cross your mind? don't you remember our precious memories together back then? do you even love me like the way you said it? or is it just another lie you made up? what did i do to deserve this? is it because of revenge because someone else got to me first before you? i don't know but after all the things you did.. i don't know why i feel the pain stabbing my heart and crushing it into million pieces.. i don't know if i still love you or not? if you want revenge congrats cause you've got it.. i asked permission to let me go.. but you didn't want to.. what do you want exactly? you want to torture me? or do you really love me? tell me the truth because i can't live in questions forever.. if i can just tell you what i really feel.. you'll get hurt and i'll never forgive myself for what i have done.. it's my fault that i accepted that propose.. we should have stayed as friends... its my mistake that i didn't see that coming.. its my fault that i ignored you.. its my fault that this happened.. i'm the one to blame.. but i won't ever let you get hurt because of me.. for that i can bare the pain and carry this burden and let you live your happy life.. i don't know but maybe i still love you.. and i'm so sorry if i did something that hurt you feelings. i'm so sorry..  

LIES!!!!!!!!!!!

lies that hide within us can sometimes kill us..  i'm not talking about lies like pranks.. i'm talking the lies that connects to feelings. why do we lie? we lie to keep our precious secrets, we lie to protect the people we love, we lie to be considerate, we lie because we don't want anyone to worry! lying is sinful.. but we lie to everyone.. to our friends, our family, our lovers, and ourselves.. when its hard to accept something impossible we lie to ourselves. when we don't want to hurt our friends worry we say that were okay.. deep inside we're hurting like hell. we lie to our family so we don't hurt their feelings. we lie everyday.  our daily routine. we even live in lies. i hate lies but i have to lie because if i don't i seriously screwed.. that's why i live within the stupid lies.. i hate lying but i have to because i care for everyone i know.. and i sometimes lie to people or to you because i love you. but you lie just to cover your faults..  we live with lies.. and lie more to everyone.. i think that liars don't have a heart.. I DON'T HAVE A HEART!

       

L0vE !

At first i agreed with the concept of love.. But that was way behind. Now i realised the motive and the reason why love exist.. And now the meaning Love is a sensitive subject to talk about.. based on my experience i fell in love a few times in my teenage journey. But i got stuck so deeply in one relationship.. the relationship that i really wished that it could end. it wasn't officially a Relationship just a tense crush. But HE picked someone else over me. And i admit it was torturing and painful.. maybe it wasn't painful physically but inside my heart my soul was crushed.. the pain was more painful than being stabbed a million times in the HEART. i didn't know why i was stuck.. i was heart broken i was depressed and frustrated when he betrayed me but i  convinced my self to think positive and to be considerate throw my ego far-far away. And i thought about sacrifice in Love. So i sacrificed my love and i let HIM go and wishing they will be together for a long time. It was hard but i tried with determination and strength to keep going on.  Eventhough, the pain still lingers in me. i fought with maximum courage. But i failed every time. i thought i was about to win but i fell right on my feet. The part that hurts the most is seeing HIM everyday in school. but we we're friends.  But I am with someone else. since he has  someone to cheer him up why can't i. But My companion was away forever. we can't meet cause he is far-far away.. but i prayed everyday that he could be by my side every single day and make the sorrow disappear and cheer me up when i was in a bad mood and protect me from all the other violent boys in school. I really want to forget him and concentrate on my own companion. But day by day it was getting worse. i tried the alternate way to forget him that is by lying to me self and coping my self to hate him. but deeply inside i still had feelings for him. i am confused i didn't know what to do.. i didn't want to endanger my relationship. i have to do something but i don't know what.. that is why to me Love is painful.. and unforgettable 

ending it.

so i decided to stop the story for good. cause, that story was actually based on real story. based on real experience. so things didn't got better. so i decided to suddenly end this story. so yeah, i'm gonna tell other kinds of story i guess. but in every story will have some advice  and tips. i promise. 

This Is Life

The next day, Kathrine thougth Edward was going to visit her again. But he didn't. so as the next day, and the next day, and the day after. Until it was two weeks since they last met. Kathrine was trying so hard to forget Edward but he keeps coming back in her head. But when Kathrine was about to go crazy. She met her old  highshool friend Drew. Drew moved far away seperating their friendship. But that lucky day reunited them both.  Drew met Kathrine when she was at her usual place where she calms her self down. thinking back her sadness. Drew looked for her at her house. but her mother said that she went out. The only person who knew Kathrine's hideout was Drew. Drew searched for her at the exact place and found her sitting there thinking of something so sad. Than he tried to approach her and gave her a surprise. Kathrine was frightened when someone called her name. And Kathrine was so surprised to see her long lost friend back. They chatted under the shady tree for hours laughing with much joy. At that moment Kathrine forgot of all her problems, she forgot about Edward. And they chatted so long that they didn't realize that it was already dusk. Drew walked her home. Happiness appeared on Kathrine's face even for a short time. When they reached Kathrine's house Drew said goodbye and hoping to see her tomorrow. Kathrine hoped the same. How much joy can a best friend give to a sad soul is just enough to heal a broken heart. Kathrine and Drew met again the next day. At the exact place. Than, they went for a walk and went to the shops near by. Kathrine's life was back shining. A smile was drawn on her face when she was with Drew. Unfortunately Drew only stayed there for 2 whole weeks. But he cherished ever second he was with Kathrine. When Drew first saw Kathrine's sad face. He knew he had to do something. He tried to cheer Kathrine every time they met. The next day they met again, so as the next day. They were hanging out for about a week. Kathrine just had a smile that whole week. having Drew around made her comfortable. She was back to the old Kathrine, the cheerful,  fun, polite Kathrine that everyone used to know. {to be continued}

This Is Life

Suddenly, while sadly thinking about Edward someone threw a pebble on her window. she looked down and saw Edward. Kathrine was frightened when she saw Edward. Edward was standing outside waiving and calling her to come down. She smiled and gave a sign for Edward to wait. Kathrine hurried down the stairs and went straight outside. Edward was still waiting. Kathrine than asked
" what are you doing here?"
"i was just passing by and i figured maybe i should drop by for a while" said Edward.
Kathrine knew that that was a lie. But she just let it go. 
" owh, that's wierd, suddenly stopping by my house without a reason"
" i wasn't satisfied with last night's conversation" explained Edward
Kathrine was puzzled " what do you mean?"
Edward said " you sounded wierd last night, so i'm kinda worried"
" i'm fine Ed, don't worry about me." explained Kathrine.
"well i'm your friend so me being worried is not a crime right?"
Kathrine laughed and said " yeah whatever"
" i'd better go now" said Edward
"yeah, i don't wanna make you late for something" said Kathrine
" okay then, bye see you later Kathy" Edward said and left.
Kathrine smiled and went back in the house. the next day {to be continued}

This Is Life

Kathrine was asleep. But in her sleep she had a nightmare. A bad dream about Edward. Dreaming that he left her alone suffering, crying, hurt and heartbroken. Kathrine had a dream that is based on what happened to her that day. Than, she was woken up by the bad dream. When she woke up her eyes were swollen. She stared at the ceiling than sat on her bed, thinking about Edward. How much she loved him, all the joy she gave and received, all the happiness even just for a short time. "Looks like Edward loved someone else more than me" said Kathrine. Than she thought about her fate. Tears streamed on her cheek. Feeling the pain in her chest. She saw the picture of Edward she took it and looked at the picture. Looking at Edward's face, Feeling so sad and disapointed. Than she kept the picture safely in a box and got up for a long cold shower.... When it was dinner time. Kathrine's swollen eyes were less. So her mother didn't asked about it. it was a quiet dinner. After dinner Kathrine washed the plates and went to her room. Kathrine sat on her bed thinking about Edward. Thinking that they would be happy together if he chose her. But it is all just a dream. A dream that will never come true. while sadly thinking about Edward.. suddenly, Kathrine's phone rang. She looked who was calling, she was shocked that Edward's name occurred on her cell phone. She was so nervous to answer the call, but she gathered her courage and answered it. Edward's voice spoke..
" Hi, Kathy"
"Hey Ed," replied Kathrine
" Are you okay?" Edward aske
" yeah, i'm fine.. whats wrong, are you okay?" Kathrine asked back.
Edward replied " owh okay, nothing just checking you out"
Kathrine said." i'm fine Eddy, Nothings wrong with me"
Edward than said " well i was kinda worried about earlier, i had a feeling that something was wrong"
Kathrine stuttered " i..i'm fine with it, me as your friend should be happy about you having a girlfriend"
tears gathered in her yes again.
" yeah, but i shouldn't have been to harsh to you earlier." mentioned Edward
" no. not at all. you told me slow and steady. and i understand your feelings" explained Kathrine.
tears went down like waterfalls when she explained. but she tried to control her sadness avoiding Edward to hear her crying.
Edward continued " well if you have anything, anything at all just tell me okay, who knows maybe i can help."
"sure" said Kathrine.
Than Edward yawned and said. "okay, i have to go to bed, i'm so tired today i don't know why."
"yeah, i should go to bed too"
they both ended their conversations with goodbye and goodnight and hung up.
Kathrine gripped her cell phone and said "i'll miss you Edward" and tears of sorrow went down like waterfalls again. She sat on her bed trying to calm down until she stopped crying. than, she went to the bathroom and washed her face. Kathrine stared at the mirror looking at her reflection. Thinking how stupid she is to fall in love with her own best friend. Kathrine knows that once a being a best friend stays as a best friend nothing more than that. Kathrine was thinking all night long and saw the clock strikes 3.45am. Kathrine can't sleep when she is heartbroken like that. Kathrine never loved someone so much that can make herself so crushed. At 4.37am Kathrine finally fell asleep.... In the morning Kathrine woke up late. Luckily it was the weekends... Kathrine woke up of bed bathed, got dressed but still feeling tired. She had her breakfast, did her chores and went back in her room. she sat on her study table right in front of her window. Kathrine was staring outside watching the bright sunlight shine the trees and grass. A beautiful view from her room. " would it be nice if my life was as shiny as the sun" thought Kathrine. the view of the peaceful green trees and grass made her soul soften a bit.  While staring out side the window, suddenly...... {to be continued}

This Is Life

Kathrine waited patiently. until, Edward said that he wanted to see her. Kathrine was feeling different, but she tried to stay positive thinking that maybe Edward is finally going to take her as his girlfriend. So, they met at a beautiful park with breezy wind and green trees and grasses. Kathrine wore her best clothes, she was looking absolutely gorgeous. When Kathrine arrived at the park she saw Edward waiting for her under a big shady tree sitting on his cool bike. Kathrine smiled when she saw Edward, and approached him. Edward saw Kathrine's smile and was stunned to see her so beautiful than ever. Than Kathrine spoke 
"Hi, did i made you waiting too long?"
 Edward said "No, not at all". 
They stared each other for a while, with Kathrine smiling and Edward's eyed were glued to her. Than Kathrine asked
 "what was it that you wanted to tell me?"
Edward and Kathrine sat on a bench under the big tree and Edward said.
"Kathrine before i say this, i want you to know that i always loved you."
Kathrine nodded with a smile on her face. 
Edward continued " i know that we've been so close lately, and i was always happy when you are beside me. But i found someone else, and we've been closer than friends."
Kathrine sensed that something was wrong. Her smile faded.
" And i fell truly in love with her, i had to choose either you or her, and.... i chose her" said Edward.
Tears began to gather in her eyes. but she tried to hide the tears. Acted like she was happy for him. And said..
"owh,.... congratulations!.. i'm sure you'll be happy with her.. i'm so happy for you"
Than she put a fake smile to make Edward not thinking that she is heartbroken. Edward replied..
"So you're not mad at me?"
"why should i be mad at you?.. instead i'm so happy that you found someone you love" replied Kathrine
Edward smiled and said "Thank you.. you really understand my feelings"
Kathrine smiled but didn't said a thing. Kathrine said to Edward that she has to go home with a reason that her mother asked her to go home early. Edward offered her a ride home but she insisted to walk home. So she left with a crushed heart leaving Edward alone at the park. On the way home the words that Edward said keeps repeating in her head. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Kathrine went to a place where she always calms her self down. a place not far from her house where no one else knows, there was just a tree, just one tree where she always sat when she had a problem. Kathrine sat under that particular tree hugging her knees crying herself out. with sadness and anger Kathrine said "why is life so cruel? why do i always get hurt? why? why?" She cried like she never cried before. Crying and crying as she felt so crushed inside. The pain more painful than being stabbed multiple times. Nothing can cure the pain of a crushed heart. She tried to calm herself down until she stopped crying. After being to tired crying like hell. She got up and went home. Mother wasn't at home. No need to avoid her mother asking why are her eyes swollen. Kathrine went straight to her room. She lie down on her bed looking at the ceiling not knowing that she fast a sleep....  {to be continued}

This Is Life

This is life, the true story about life, the complications that a girl has to face, all the pain that she has to feel, all the anger grown in her, sadness to cry. Everything is just too cruel. Life is too cruel. The poor girl is Kathrine a fifteen years old teenage girl who thinks that she lived in the dark, never found real happiness as long as she lived. Never knowing that happiness is just around the corner. All she ever known was suffering, disapointment, lies, pain, and loneliness. Kathrine had family problems that was so complicated. But it wasn't that complicated before her father passed away. Since that she learnt that she has to be independent doing things herself without depending on anyone else. Her family was as any other family just peaceful, happy but the problem just became a burden to Kathrine and her mother. No one can know about their problem. Kathrine was so frustrated. She almost gave up hope to live. But something just wanted her to live. Even Kathrine her self didn't know what it was. Other than family problems, Just as any teenage girls, Kathrine experienced the meaning of love. But as long as she lived her life was thrown with lies. Each person that she loved, was forced to let go. When it comes to the matter of feelings Kathrine takes it very seriously. To her the matter of love isn't something to play about. So she gave all her heart to love a person. But Each person she cared about played her heart all over and over again. But Kathrine had a dream, a dream to have true happiness dosen't matter any kind of way and she wanted someone to care for her to love her. But luck wasn't on her side yet. She always said to her self to wait for the right time for the right person.  Watching her friends have someone that cared for them made her envy her friends. But Kathrine was thrilled watching her friends happy and found someone to care and be cared. But it was non of her business. As always Kathrine was thinking about her family problem, But there is this one boy Edward. He was never Kathrine's boyfriend but they were once friends and they fell for each other. Edward confesses that he had feelings for Kathrine. They started going out, happiness just came to Kathrine,  for once she felt like someone truly cares for her. They had a lot of sweet memories. And Kathrine fell in love with Edward. But they were never together. Kathrine waited for Edward to take her to be his girlfriend. Kathrine waited patiently, until ........ {continued}

something to cure the boredness

sorry about the post before.. i was totally pissed off.. just letting all the steam out.. okay back to what i'm supposed to say.. i thought of something to let go of my boredness i decided to make a story.. well right now my imagination is working haha.. so just to have fun i wanted to write something maybe like a teenage stuff.. a friend of mine made a story too.. reading all her writing made me wanting to write  a story too.. well sometimes we need to make our imagination work.. so here goes.. wish me luck and hope you like it..
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                       xoxo lilyana

finally naik gila..

Hari ni just nak bagi stress laga sikit.. dah x dak mood nak berspeaking hari ni.. so ckap bhsa mlayu sudah.. aq x tau la apa nk rsa.. aq rsa sedih + sakit hati + brat hati + nak mati.. ish mmg mcm2 lah.. nak explain pon 10 taun x habeh.. hadoi pening la pikir pasal laki ni kdang2..  aq dah bg kasih syg yg sgt tulus dkt hg.. tapy hg pilih org lain.. tau x pedih sgt2 bila hg habaq hg pilih dia.. tapy aq x marah.. aq simpan sorang2.. sbb aq x sanggup marah hg.. tapy hg ada ambik kisah? x kan? hg ego, igt aq ok jaa.. mmg la aq kta aq x kesah tapy hello try klu aq lari pi kt laki len hg x saket hati ka?.. hish.. tula ampa laki x pnah pikir pasal prasaan org lain.. pikir ampa jaa btoi.. aq pelik la kan.. bila aq dah ada org aq habaq kt hg plan2 hg mengamok.. apa nii x nmpak ka aq sedih lpskn hg pi bagi kt dia.. weyh tara aq sakit hati pon x dak la aq pi mengamok kt hg kan? ish sedaq la sikit.. sakit kot nak lepaskn hg bila hg dah bagi aq jatoh hati kt hg.. padahai hg x syg pon kt aq kan? mcm la aq x tau bnyak pompuan yg hg panggil syg.. kta i love you.. bodo la aq ni kan.. pi pcaya mati2an kt hg.. hish aq x tau la nk kta pa.. slama ni hg igt aq mainkn hg ka? nih sapa yg mainkn spa lani?? ampa kira nak syok ja kan? x pikiaq perasaan org lain.. ish aq geram pon geram jugak.. just for you to know la kan.. aq ni skarang berubah sgt2 disebabkan hg.. sorry to say la kan aq mmg brtrima kasih sgt2 la kan sbb patahkn hati aq smpai hancoq leboq..  ouh and just for you to know taun dpn klu prangai aq trok maybe because of you.. ^_^

i can't get you off my mind

After everything that we've been through together.. all the memories you gave me are stuck in my head, my heart. It sucks thinking that we can't be together... thinking that you belong to someone else.. thinking that why did i loved you from the first place.. thinking why did we even met.. I know that there's nothing between us.. but everything that i do, everywhere i go reminds me of you.. i truly love you but i guess you don't love me at all.. i wish i could stop the tears coming from my eyes.. my heart hurts thinking of you.. i tried everything to stop thinking about you... but the more i try to forget you.. the worse the memories haunt me.. i hope i don't give up life so soon.. this is depressing.. i hate what is happening to me right now... how can i stop this misery... i want this to end so badly.. i can't stand all this pain.. end this suffering now !..

everything's not okay

Lately i'm not really being my self... i can't control myself.. sometimes i get angry,, crying,,thinking a lot.. even my mom asked am i alright.. i don't even know am i alright or not... i think i changed during this school holiday.. i rarely eat.. i sleep late.. sometimes emotional.. talking to myself.. what wrong with me??... have i gone crazy?? is this a disease?? i don't know why am i like this.. maybe i need help.. maybe i need some peaceful time alone... because i can't control myself..i'm scared that i might do something stupid.. something that can risk my life.. what should i do.. i don't want this.. i want to be  me.. please i need help.. i don't know what i should do..


someone please i really need help.. i don't want to live alone in the dark..