publicity

so yeah, like the title above said.. i'm gonna write about publicity.. i've been surfing alot on facebook.. and i see alot of guys and gals.. posting lots of freakin crazy status.. and lots of pics.. the i noticed alot of girls post their pics and wrote " hey, i'm not cute as u guys, i'm just an ugly person" -_- i mean really?? do you really WANT to be judged??? are u freakin serious?? most of them only want cheap compliments.. girls think that people would like them if they post things like that.. well, actually u just increased the number of haters.. its really annoying to see that these kind of people are desperate for attention.. i'm sorry if this is harsh.. but for those who don't realise the concequence for what you do.. here it is.. 
1) posting things like that, people will call you an "an attention w***e" if you like being one then   please continue posting those crappy status.. 
2) only fake people comment/compliment u.. which makes u a fake person too..
3) increasing number of haters.. therefore, u'll get constant hate every single day.. 
4)people will pity u.. and eventually laugh at u.. LOL

so yeah, that is what i can think of right now.. SO, if you want to be titles as a desperate/sympathetic/fake person.. do continue what u are doing.. so readers out there.. i didn't post this to offend anyone.. this is some advice to not humilliate urself in generally.. so yeah, improve urself to be a better person.. don't stop trying to be successful.. and please think outside the box..

hypocrite???

I feel like i'm a hypocrite.. changing attitude... changing friends.. i become sometimes self centered.. eventhough my friends say i'm caring and blah.. blah..blahh.. but i don't think so..  cause sometimes i say mean things.. sometimes i do stuff that hurt my friends... and sometimes i don't apologize when i did wrong.. yes its true nobody's perfect but.. i don't think i'm doing my best for my friends and family.. so maybe i need to search my self.. my real personality.. so that i can be really satisfied with my self.. so to all my friends out there... i want to apologize first because maybe i won't be being my self in the time being.. i need time.. so if i'm keeping my distance from you guys.. i hope you guys understand..

If this was a small world

People say that this is a small world.. but for me.. i don't think so.. people say that because they sometimes met the people they knew a long time ago.. i have been waiting for that moment for ages..  every day i hope to see my first love again even if it was just for a minute.. it has been 5 years since i've seen him. and i miss him like hell.. if only he misses me too.. but that won't happen even in a million years. why? cause he moved on. guess what he already has a gorgeous girlfriend.. and i'm left behind... i'm not just saying that. i have proof.. in his birthday 28 of march i gathered my guts to wish him happy birthday on facebook.. the next day i checked and.... he deleted my birthday wish.. well that't so obvious that he hated me with his guts.. since that i didn't post anything to him anymore.. and i lost contact with him... but still until now i'm really hoping that one day.. that maybe... just maybe he wanted to have a fresh start and be friends again.. but until now still NOTHING.. and i realised that out of all my crush and ex boyfriends i never loved any guy more than him.. i realised that i will never forget him... because he is my first love.. and a quote once said... trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you don't know... so that is what i feel/think now.. i'm trapped with this sick feeling.. haunted with our past memories..  and can't get them out.. only solution is...... brainwash....        

Choices

Life has been made for us like a path.. all you need to do is choose.. choose a path for your own future..  you can choose either the straight path or the curvy path...your choice.. everyone wants to make the right choices for their own good.. but how are you supposed to know that the decision you made is the right choice?? well its easy actually.. you just need to consider the bad and the good.. the consequences.. the benefits... everything needs to be considered in order to make the right choice.. but in making choices some people don't think about those possibilities... instead they choose to follow their heart.. their instinct.. they choose based on what they want.. but not based on what is good for them.. therefore choose what is best for you.. don't make decisions in a stressful state.. that will just cause more damage.. calm your mind and start thinking.. that's the best way to have a better life... and remember that the choices we make today will create something new tomorrow.. 

                                                                                               

            

the dreadful past..

As usual.. this latest update is about me expressing anything that is in mind.. well this time is about my hectic past.. the haunting memories that i can't get rid of.. since the year stepped into a brand new year (that is 2012). My life is completely flipped up side down.. literally.. well in relationships have their up's and down's and i did live after those relationships and all of them ended up breaking my pathetic heart.. but yea.. Sometimes i think that i really deserve that.. but sometimes i thought what that i do to deserve this.. for the past few days the memories of my last relationship.. still haunts me.. all the words he said..the sweet ones of course.. his velvet voice.. his beautiful laugh.. i miss it.. it hasn't been like this before.. with him its different.. really different.. i care for him a lot.. even if my friends say that i STILL love him.. i'm not really sure myself.. but when i think of it again.. i'm actually being used to this freaking heartbreaking moment.. but no one will ever understand all the heartbreaking moments that i've been through.. all the hope i've given.. all the love that i've shared.. all the sacrifice that i did.. at last stabbed in the heart is what i received as a reward.. it is true that "sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead" but why can't i have just one perfect person to love me and care for me as i loved and cared for them.. just one.. no one can understand what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you really depend on.. not once but multiple times.. it's not easy to recover to stand up again.. and act like nothing has happened.. people say forget the past and look ahead for the future to come.. do you think it's that easy? do you think a shattered heart can reassemble? do you think a broken heart can be patched that easily? do you think a crying soul can cope that fast? all there is left is regret.. yes i regret having a relationship at this age.. and this last relationship had forced me to break the heart of the person that i care.. i have been through so much pain.. not just emotionally but physically.. but this last relationship is the last time that i hurt my self hopefully.. love to me is torture.. pain is my friend.. trust is my enemy.. betrail is my routine.. and sadness is my happiness.. death is my happy ending.. </3

imaginations?

Today.. i've been imagining too much.. i've been imagining about how is He over there.. i'v been imagining about school that is opening soon.. and mostly and suddenly.. i've been imagining my worst nightmare knowing my darkest secret ever.. and threatening me to do anything that he demand.. other than that.. i was also imagining the person who i was stupid enough to trust  one person that ALREADY knows my secret.. and threatening me as well.. or even worse telling my worse nightmare about it.. gosh i don't know if i was PMS-ing or what..but i was scared of that thought.. i hope that imagination or deja vu or karma or whatever comes true.. cause if it does.. god who knows what will happen to my freaking life.. everytime the thought crossed my mind i shivered.. scared of my own imagination.. hmph pathetic.. gosh i really.. really hope it dosen't come true.. i can't imagine myself trapped.. and my secret lies in his hands.. i don't want to think about it.. but i can;t keep it out of my mind.. and that jerk fantasia.. just keep bothering me.. i can't avoid him forever.. i just hope someone will just please save me or protect me or do something with that jerk.. 

Guilt T_T

After the cruel break up (what i think).. guilt just haunts me where ever i go.. i can't get him out of my freaking head.. gosh.. i didn't know if he forgave me or not..  i broke up by sending a text message.. cause i was such a coward to tell him myself.. but after the text message was sent.. i waited and waited for days for him to reply.. but a week and half later.. he responded.. he wrote what appeared like a poem.. by the time i red it.. it was a relief plus a heart stabbing moment.. a relief that he understood me.. it was heart stabbing because he was hurt because of me.. by the meaning of the poem he wrote.. it appears like he was really hurt.. i didn't like the mistake that i've done this time..  we did chat on facebook.. but not like the usual.. it was awkward.. but he did said that i was forgiven.. but eventhough he said that.. i'm still not convinced.. i was guilty.. i blame my self for what has happened.. even my friend told me that i's not my fault.. but still.. i  fell like it is my fault.. i can't just blame him.. i know he did hurt my feelings.. he did cheated on me.. he did ignored me.. but still it was my fault.. i can't bare to see someone hurt because of me.. i don't care if i got hurt.. but i can't.. i just can't see anyone hurt because of me.. but i thank all my buddies that support me all the way to always be strong.. thank you guys.. especially http://juziana.blogspot.com/ (Adrina) she's awesome.. luv ya my lovely sistah!  gosh.. sometimes i wonder why did feelings exist.. if feelings exist just to end up in missery i think i'll take the chance living without any feelings.. but sometimes watching my buddies happy with their companion makes me happy.. they look cute together.. but me.. i think i'll just live solo.. ^_^ well that's all.. chiao miha..